On Allies...
and what most folks won't tell you about them
Every social movement I have been part of has made a statement along the lines of “we need our allies.” Every group tries to cultivate allies as a belief that this will make us stronger. We hear it now when it comes to marginalized groups. The gays need straight allies. The immigrants need citizen allies. BIPOC folks need white allies. And on, and on, and on. Even in my home community here in Grass Valley, CA, the two overarching groups call on the need to cultivate allies.
In a quest to create allies, we work to educate people outside our group about our group’s norms and needs. We create “welcoming” spaces for those who may not know our history and not be part of the group. We create outreach teams to other organizations in hopes of “creating bridges.” We code switch, tamp down our anger, and try to make outsiders comfortable.
We do this in the belief that those less marginalized will align with our cause and speak out for us. That their less marginalized voices will mean more to elected officials. That the allies can do something we cannot (or have not been able to do) for ourselves.
What no one is saying is that 95 percent of all “allies” are not actually allies. They are individuals who want to believe themselves to be good people, working for something they believe is important. However, the instant they must be a smidge uncomfortable, they vanish. Or they co-op the movement for their own purposes. They want to center their experience and their needs and that derails most activism.
I am watching that in my community as we speak. The head of the main umbrella organization (and primary financial organization for the LGBTQ+ community) is a wealthy cis- white man with no major disabilities. He wants to be an ally for all LGBTQ+ folks and I believe that is a true desire in his mind. He cognitively understands that we need representation from all groups and all voices if we are going to serve the community. Try as he may want to, he cannot decenter himself or let go of an ounce of control. This means, most of us are silenced in favor of his comfort.
For example, in December 2024, the community en masse called out our concern with the police and their history of harming members of our communities. He helped arrange a Zoom call with the two police chiefs and sheriff. However, he also insisted on tight control over all interactions. Questions had to be submitted in writing. Only he asked the questions he deemed “worthy” of asking, he failed to push back on any unsatisfactory or stock answers from the officers, he failed to address incidents of racial harm and harassment by these teams calling them “just individual issues.” It was a total farce of a “town hall” created to keep him feeling like he did something and make the police happy with a PR stunt.
Nationally, we see this happening as well. The Governor of California, Gavin Newsome, has long billed himself as a strong LGBTQ+ ally. As mayor of San Francisco, he authorized gay marriage long before it was allowed by the federal government. He appeared with prominent gays and at the San Francisco Pride March. However, he has decided he would like to make a run for president. He started a podcast where he showcases the voices of prominent MAGAts (including the horrid Rush Limbagh) and readily threw trans women under the bus in order to try and appeal to the right. This is a typical “Ally.” They use a marginalized community for their own gain. This may be to raise money for themselves, or to use us as a punching bag to be more appealing to people they find more useful.
Cultivating allies is not worth the time or effort marginalized communities put into the activity. Over and over, I see marginalized folks try and educate others about their lives and their needs. We code switch to make allies comfortable in our spaces. We cater to their tender feelings and need to center themselves and dial back our own work to prevent them from being too uncomfortable.
Everyone organizing against the current authoritarian regime needs to give up on the “ally” fantasy. It is not worth the time or the cost to your movement to coddle these tender buds in hope that they will one day nourish the movement. Stop your outreach. Stop your “bridge building.” If someone is a true ally, they will come to you.
There are a few people who are real allies to marginalized groups. I recently watched American Heretic on Prime (very different from Heretic with Huge Grant, make sure you watch the right one). This documentary follows progressive congregations in Nebraska. One congregation takes a vote on becoming a sanctuary church for immigrants. Before the vote of the congregation, the leadership gives the members three options: Do nothing; Become a sanctuary church and embrace the risks for members which come with that; Ally themselves with other groups but do not become a sanctuary. The speakers clarify that becoming a sanctuary church may entail hiding undocumented folks, providing transportation to safety, and other actions which may result in their own imprisonment, loss of professional licenses, and other significant ramifications. The majority vote to become a sanctuary with full understanding and commitment to the risk of helping others. Immigrant groups did not come to them asking for this. The church leaders took the teachings of the Bible and believe that protecting the undocumented to be in line with Christian priorities. Those are real allies.
Real allies will approach your group. They will be able to decenter themselves and listen. They will do what the marginalized group needs and not what serves their own ego or what they think the group needs. Your organization will not have to reach out and beg allies to join. They will find you and take it on themselves to educate themselves so you don’t have to code switch or coddle them. Everyone else is chaff.